I’m terrified of going to a new doctor and having them tell me to eat all of the foods I can’t have - gluten and dairy. I’m terrified of expensive procedures and potential diagnoses.
I’m so scared that they’ll ask me to eat wheat and I’ll have to work and be fully functional. I can’t. I can’t do that. I wanted to die last time I took myself off the diet - the only time I tried. I thought I was going to die. I literally felt my body shutting down. I’m so scared.
I need to see a doctor because I’ve had so many troubling symptoms, but it’s equally horrifying. I don’t have money, I’m a lowly barista that can barely afford rent and food combined.
What am I going to do? What’s going to happen?
*sighs* I’ll be okay. Any step in a new direction is scary, but… I just need to follow my intuition, and, it’s telling me to seek medical help. I’ll follow my intuition then as well, and if I feel my doctor isn’t going to help me, then I’ll leave them.
I will not put myself through unnecessary procedures. I will follow my instinct.